How a Resurrection Really Feels
by Jessica12
Summary: "In one single act of defiance you tried to prove to her that she felt something for you." ( Damon's POV on his relationship with Elena S1-2)


Title: **How a Resurrection Really Feels**

Author: Jessica

Pairing: Damon/Elena

Genre: Angst, POV

Rating: PG

Spoilers: 2x01 The Return

Feedback: YES please jessicarothen

Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.

Summary: _In one single act of defiance you tried to prove to her that she felt something for you_.  
What if Damon never actually killed Jeremy? Damon s POV on his relationship with Elena.

AUTHORS NOTE: First try at a Vampire diaries fic. English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar mistakes may occur. Wrote this a while back...

" _You don't know what my heart can do_

 _You never did let me show you_

 _If you're not interested in that part_

 _Give my heart in return"_

 **Damon' s POV**

You were not a good person.

The truth was that you had forgotten what being a person really felt like.

But as you stood there on that porch with the sun warming your face all you could feel was pain.

It wrapped around the remaining pieces of that thing they called a heart and squeezed so hard that

you had to take a sip from the whisky to numb it.

You had seen pity in her eyes as she talked about the fact that she would never kiss you back.

Her words cut you more than you cared to admit.

But the truth kept screaming in your ears.

She had become your centre.

The one thing in your world that remained pure and true.

She had entered your life in a time when darkness was something so natural to you as air was to humans.

You had walked on this earth for more than a century by then.

You had lived your life so determined to destroy the world around you.

They had taken away the one person in your life you had given yourself totally to.

You wanted the world to feel pain.

You wanted the world to burn.

Anger burned hot inside of you.

It ran like poison in your veins.

She came into your life and brought light into it.

You fought it with everything you could.

You knew your place in the world after all.

You were a monster.

Something people feared.

You didn't belong anywhere near her.

You knew that all to well.

It screamed in your ears every time you were near her.

You tainted her world just by being in it.

You knew that you should stay as far away as possible from her.

She belonged with Stefan after all.

He was everything you wasn't.

But something made you stay.

You told yourself that you wanted to crush the little town and the families that had brought your world

to a stand still.

It was a question of revenge.

Maybe it had started out that way.

But as time moved its gentle hand something inside of you changed.

You could feel it happening.

You hated yourself then.

So you tried your best to remove that part of you that felt anything else than anger and hate

that had fueled you for so many years.

But you were a weak person.

You knew this all to well.

Katherine had seen this all those years ago when she made you into the thing you now were.

How pathetic you were.

You, that had walked on this earth for so many years, reaping havoc wherever you went, was

suddenly falling in love.

But you chose to ignore it.

As you had chosen to ignore so many things in your life.

There was times that you wanted to reach inside of you and remove that thing inside of you that wanted Elena.

You tried to tell yourself that it was all a game.

A game to cause Stefan as much as pain as possible.

It was all a quest to get back to the one person that you had wanted for so long.

But the truth kept ringing in your ears.

Somewhere along the way it had stopped being about revenge or Katherine and it had all become about Elena.

It was your weakness that brought you to her door that night.

If you had been a stronger person you had turned away and walked the other way.

But you were not a strong person.

You were not even a person.

You were a monster.

A few acts of kindness could not remove all the years of bloodshed that you had caused.

You didn't deserve to touch her.

You knew this.

But still something inside of you wanted to feel her touch just once.

You didn't care about your history.

You didn't care that she belonged to Stefan.

All you wanted was to feel her.

You wanted something real for once.

You were so tired of lies and half truths.

So you went to her to try to make her feel something for you other than the pity you had seen in her eyes when you spoke about the kiss you had thought you had shared with her.

It was a desperate move.

You knew this.

But your soul craved peace and the remaining pieces of your already shattered heart needed her to tell the truth for once.

You wanted her to tell you that you were not alone.

You wanted her to sooth away the pain in your heart by telling you that you belonged with her.

What a pitiable creature you were.

You couldn't even evoke a slightest emotion in her other than compassion.

She saw you as this broken man that was beyond repair.

She had given her heart away already.

You would never deserve her.

In one single act of defiance you tried to prove to her that she felt something for you.

You wanted to drown in her.

You saw fear in her eyes in that moment.

And you hated yourself.

Her voice was hoarse as she spoke:

"I want you to leave now."

Her eyes were dark as they met yours.

You searched her eyes for something to latch on to.

But you found nothing.

You didn't belong in her life.

You would never be anything other than a outsider and a monster.

At least then you were someone.

Anger burned in your veins as you stood there with the warmth of her touch still burning your skin and her rejection still ringing in your ears.

You hated her then.

You hated her for making you love her.

But most of all you felt disgusted with yourself for giving the remaining piece of your heart away so easily to those who didn't give theirs in return.

It would never happen again.

You moved towards the door.

She stood where you had left her.

You stopped in the doorway and looked back at her.

She couldn't even look at you.

"Goodbye, Elena."

Then you walked away.

You would remove all the traces of the man that stood in her bedroom wanting her, needing her.

You would never let yourself be so weak again.


End file.
